Dear Grace,
There’s a new guy on my job site who is a veteran, and all the guys know he did two tours. They, of course, thanked him for his service, but a few days in, one guy started making fun of him, saying he has PTSD and is scared of fireworks. The other guys were laughing and going along with it.
Now I don’t tolerate unkindness like that to anyone, much less someone who served. So I told them not to do that. As a mom of boys, I am comfortable telling men to “can it and be nice.” I didn’t think twice about it.
But later, one of the guys at work told me I shouldn’t have said that because it makes me seem too sensitive. I’m one of the only women at this job. Now I’m anxious that I should be acting differently or keeping my mouth shut.
Should I not have said anything? Should I focus on keeping my head down? I don’t want to lose my job or become the butt of their jokes.
— Anxious in Alaska
Dear Anxious in Alaska,
First of all—good for you. If I had been in your veteran coworker’s shoes, I’d be so grateful that someone spoke up for me. But I understand why you’re feeling anxious now. So many women (especially those working in industries with mostly men) have felt that same knot in their stomach after doing the right thing. When women speak out in a way that challenges the status quo, we sometimes get dismissed as “too emotional. But standing up for someone who has served, after he’s been mocked for his mental health, is not “too much.” You did the right thing.
Here is my advice on how to move forward …